i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
