my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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