o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
