too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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