is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
