false alarm. still invincible.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
