Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
