I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
thus making me awesome and them whores
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
