omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What drink are we having for lunch?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
