You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
