All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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