Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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