He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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