No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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