Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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