no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
