this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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