Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
