Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
