Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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