my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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