Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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