On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
