Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
