So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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