Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
