so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
