i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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