Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
