i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
