You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
