Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
