if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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