hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
