our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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