The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
