I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
