shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
