saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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