We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
