drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
