It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
