: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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