I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
