I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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