just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
