I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
