so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Come on in and take your pants off
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