omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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