You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
