I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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